All you who are fighting to ban abortion…
How many unwed mothers have you helped out?
How many unwanted babies have you adopted?
If it’s none, then QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING!!!
All you who are fighting to ban abortion…
How many unwed mothers have you helped out?
How many unwanted babies have you adopted?
If it’s none, then QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING!!!
U.S. Department of Transportation
1200 New Jersey Ave, SE
Washington, DC 20590
To whom it may concern, May 13,2018
I just heard on the news that I-80 is going to be ‘worked on’ around Keystone Ave to Robb Drive, Reno, Nevada and I just want to let you know that…
There’s nothing wrong with that piece of the interstate!
Nothing at all wrong with it. NOTHING!!!!!!!!
To continue with the saga of painting. My oh my oh my.
I’ve given up trying to get the right color for our very dark hallway. I was trying to go for a golden yellow color with a hint of green but I kept shooting past the mark. First it was too green and dark, then too yellow. Now it’s too white. I’m mixing cans of paint together and I have about six tints to choose from along with a gallon of pure white.
I’m getting Jerry involved…… FINALLY! I need help!!!!
So I’ve let go of the whole business and turned it over to him. So we put some paint on the walls and the same hew looked like three different colors in three different spots in the hallway. It’s just plain crazy!
I’m going crazy!!!!
Eventually I’m going to have to go to the last ditch resort. I’m going to pray to God to give me some insight about how to proceed. Imagine that, getting God involved. I know he knows the exact color we need. I just have to have faith that he will help.
On 4/24/2018 my sister Jacqueline wrote:
I want to get this idea out there in the world.
Maybe it will spread around and people will think about it.
Why do people have babies when they prefer to work
rather than take care of them?
Children need a lot of love and care in order to grow up
to be healthy adults.
As a result, children are being forced to raise themselves.
I think there’s a lot of crime and suicide from children
who don’t have any parents to help them.
It’s so sad to see this happening to our dear children.
Last night was verification that what I’m doing in our relationship is working.
I was watching American Idol on the bedroom TV and really liked what I was hearing so I wanted to record the show series. But I had to go to the living room since that was the only TV box that would accept a series recording. Then, while I was doing that, the recording part said that there was very little room left to record on. So I decided to delete a lot of shows to make room. Then I came upon “The Big Bang Theory” in which there was nine episodes I hadn’t watched yet. So I decided to watch them before deleting.
The TV in the bedroom was still on. I had completely forgotten this….
Jerry was in bed and around midnight came out to the living room to complain that the bedroom TV was still on loud enough to wake him up. He was ‘nice’ but looked a little frustrated with me. I don’t blame him. I hate my scatterbrain. It gets me in more how water….
But the next morning I went to him to find out how he felt about what happened. He said he understood that I was just being scatterbrained!!! And that he didn’t take it personally nor get mad about it.
WONDER OF WONDERS!
SOMETHING DIFFERENT IS DEFINITELY IN THE WORKS!!!
So we’re in the middle of our kitchen remodel and we’ve come to the back splash. I don’t know any other word to use for this except INSANE! First I had the contractor put up black tile. I thought it was going to look like a good contrast. It turned out to be nothing but oppressive. I couldn’t stand it so I took the tiles off and had to scrape the mortar off the walls.
Then I went back to the tile we were originally going to use. A translucent gray green glass. With it I was going to have a mural put in over the stove. Well, the tile looked great but the mural turned out to be a totally clashing color to the tile. So I had the contractor pull the mural off and, again, I had to scrape all the gunk off the wall. Then I had to buy another mural but I chose 2 to compare and then send the other one back.
Then came the grout!!! Man! I think I went insane on this one. I went with stark white but has a reservation about this color, but I ignored my feeling and went with what the contractor said would look good. But when it got on the tile it was way to bright for the cream colored cabinets and the tan and brown marbled counter top. So, without telling the contractor or my husband Jerry (who I know would have told me no) I started to carve the fresh grout out so I could put another color in instead. But then Jerry and the contractor caught me doing this and both had a total hairy – which I don’t blame them – as I knew I was going INSANE with it all.
All I can say is back splashes are HARD to figure out. I’ve seen so many beautiful kitchens with back splashes that don’t fit in at all. Many, many, many. There are hardly any kitchen pictures with back splashes that fit the overall look of the kitchen.
By the way, I’m not going to use a mural after all. This whole thing is going to give me an ulcer. Also, Jerry said if I try to make any more changes he is going to leave for a month. I don’t blame him.
I had my EMDR therapy today. I’ve been reading this book my therapist gave me called; “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD (isbn # 9780670785933). It’s an excellent book on different types of therapy for PTSD victims and childhood abuse PTSD victims. I liked it a lot because he doesn’t just circle around the problem. Half the book is devoted to different kinds of therapy to help PTSD sufferers. One of them is EMDR. There’s a whole chapter devoted to it.
Anyway, I was in the middle of the EMDR session when my problem with Jerry’s screaming came up. My therapist said I didn’t have to live with that sort of thing. Well I’ve been living with it for 30 years now but when I got out of the session something broke inside. Suddenly I have the gumption to move out! I’ve been staying for nothing but financial reasons but the light dawned on this. Jerry and I could make it separately financially. With my inheritance, we paid off two houses and rent on out. I could move back to the rental and make Jerry pay me $600 out of his monthly retirement check. Then we’d both be about even money wise. I had a feeling of freedom.
At the same time this was going on in my head another thought popped in. I think this was from God. I need to get a massage therapy credential. I know I would be a good masseuse. My hands are always warm and dry no matter what the temperature is. And I’ve always gotten compliments from people I have given massages to. So that’s what I’m going to do. I looked up massage schools in the area and a very nice one came up. “Milan Institute” right here is town.
I have decided that after my next EMDR session I will sit Jerry down and tell him that he has 30 days to straighten up his act or I’m out of there by the next 30 since we have to give our renters 30 days notice. That’s a total of 60 days.
I want out of here so badly I can taste it. I want to have my own place that I can decorate just how I want. And I want to be a ladies masseuse. I am thinking I will make my home my base of operations and I will only do women. The idea of being in a house all alone with a man gives me the chills. I was raped when I was 22 and have been skittish about men ever since.
Today was an ‘interesting’ day. I just got blown over by an AA ‘friend’, a lively girl named Terrena. I had only been befriending her for a month or so when something came up. She was living in a motel situation and was trying to get a studio apartment. But – low and behold – she was short $275. You can guess the rest I think.
Well I forked up the money for her to get it.
Stupid me. I fell for the oldest trick in the book. She came off as a friend but all she turned out to be was a user. Today we were supposed to get together. She had just gotten paid and told me that when we hooked up, she’d pay me $100 of the $275. Then a funny thing happened. Right in the middle of our phone conversation we got disconnected. But the truth is I think she hung up on me. I tried to call her back about 5 – 6 times but no answer. She didn’t call me back either. She just disappeared of the face of the earth. I was supposed to pick her up for an AA meeting that we always went to. I went to her apartment but she wasn’t there or she didn’t answer the door . It’s all so frustrating!
Did she die? Have a heart attack right in he middle of our phone conversation? That’s a possibility – but I seriously doubt it. She’s only in her mid 50’s.
So there. She’s gone. A stupid AA user. As a general rule, AA people – especially those that frequent Alano clubs – are pathetic and abusive. I don’t have any AA friends. The only reason we were ‘friends’ was because my husband foisted her on me because she was new to the AA scene (she had however 10 years sober). She told him she was bipolar (I’m schizo-effective) so he threw her my way. I swear, if he tries to hook me up with anyone else in AA, I’ll sock him one.
I went to my usual Al Anon meeting after the AA meeting. The topic was Step 4 (made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves). I got to sit next to my sponsor Cheryl which was nice after the episode with Terrena. One of the women shared about the slogan; “You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. And you can’t cure it.” This is about the alcoholic. But it hit me in the heart about my senior that I have been visiting for the past year. We hit a snag and she went on a starvation kick – I think to get back at me. I have been feeling so guilty about that and I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling until the woman shared this slogan. Something broke inside. I fully and finally accepted this slogan as if it applied to her crazy behavior even though she doesn’t have alcoholism. Her reaction to me was HER CHOICE! and not because of what I had done. All I did was tell her I couldn’t come see her that week. Now she’s in the hospital dying from starvation. The last time I saw her, she looked like a skeleton with skin on. They put her on palliative care. I stopped dropping by because I couldn’t bear to see her die like that. She’s 97 and in perfect health, and I wondered what she was going to die of. Now I know. Death by Stubbornness!!
What a Virgo.
To my dear sober AA friend,
(excerpts from a letter I wrote to my friend Stewart)
While I was on vacation I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time sitting on the sand dunes where I read and did some writing. The writing started to pick up faster and faster until I was going at it at a furious pace. I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I gathered together in words some of the things I’ve come across in my sober journey. In 30 years a lot of stuff’s come across my desk but most of it just whirls around in my head – there’s been no solidity. So I decided to try to create a holding place for some of this stuff. To get it more clear in my own mind and to share via paper with others if they care to know. This way I won’t be cornering them but at the same time get a small sense that I’m contributing.
So my friend and I had a big fight and my head is reeling from it. I don’t do ‘friends’ with people and, to tell you the truth, in 60 years this is the first real friend who I’m starting to try to be real with in my life. That’s how much abuse I’ve had to deal with. I’ve been real with my husband but then we’re like two ships passing in the night with each other. There’s very little of anything between us and, to tell the truth, it’s been that way since we got married. Almost right away, he changed after we got married, but that’s another tale to tell for another time.
I copied this from a the website: HERE. (It comes with a neat video too). I stumbled onto this myself a while ago and it really does work. Please copy and spread it around if you will. If we all get together and do it, it could really make a difference with road rage.
Don’t try this in the fast lane. For some reason it makes drivers crazy when you try to do this in the fast lane. He was doing it in the fast lane in the video but I think that was only because it was an exit lane.
AND A CURE FOR WAVES & JAMS
1998 William Beaty Electrical Engineer
My first ‘experiment’: accidentally erasing traffic waves!
I’ve been free of flour/sugar products for over two years and cigarettes for over one and a half years and I haven’t lost any weight at all. It’s been very discouraging to say the least but I think the tide is finally turning regarding the weight. I think God finally had enough of my wining and stepped in to give me a little advice.
I had a spiritual experience a couple of weeks ago about losing this weight. It went something like this.
God: You know how to lose this weight dear.
God: You know how.
Me: No I don’t.
God: Yes you do. You’ve done it two times before the in exact same way with complete success.
Twenty minutes a day.
God: One time just before you moved to Santa Cruz. And one time while you were in Weight Watchers. It worked like a charm back then and there’s no reason why it won’t work again this time. So… if you really do want to lose this weight… why don’t you…
Get back on the ball.
Well I’ve been doing cardio-exercise (which is what I did before) on the elliptical machine twenty minutes a day since then.
I know I will lose the weight this way. God is right. If I want to lose the weight, I have to exercise. I’ve experienced losing the weight this way two times before. I really do want to lose the weight. Enough so that I don’t have any resentment about doing the exercise anymore. I used to have a big resentment at doing even ten minutes. I’ve always talked myself into this resentment by wining things like…
How come I have to exercise
to lose weight and
everyone else doesn’t.
But when God talked to me that day, I knew instantly what a load of crap that was. He put on my heart the reality that just about everyone who has a slim figure has to exercise… the same as I would if I wanted a slim figure too. Suddenly, doing twenty minutes a day on the elliptical is a piece of cake. Not only did He give me the information I needed to loose the weight, but He took all my resentment about doing the exercise, away too!
Life is like a fast moving river filled with spinning logs. We spend our lives frantically leaping from spinning log to spinning log trying to stay afloat. Mentally, emotionally, physically, we leap.. and leap… and leap. But God lives in the calmly moving depths of the water between the spinning logs. How did I connect to Him there in the depths? How did I stop frantically leaping from spinning log to spinning log to get to Him? The answer… one time I stopped leaping. It sounds impossible but one time I sat down on a log and gazed into the water to look for Him… and I found Him there and saw Him return my gaze. It was marvelous. The spinning logs be damned, this is where I finally found peace. I stopped the constant leaping from log to log, and as I sat down on the log I found that it stopped spinning. I sat down for a time and gazed into the water, and He helped me with the constant spinning. And all I did was just sit down.
Once upon a time there was a train. On this train were many passengers coming and going about their business. Some were reading their newspapers; some where furtively ‘people watching’; some where just looking out the windows at the scenery passing by.
Then a man got on the train. A man with his three little kids.
Among many, many ‘two groups of people’, this is one type….
Smokers & Non-Smokers.
The idea is to jump, for all your worth, from the one group (Smokers) into the other group (Non-Smokers). You need to do this deeply so that both feet are firmly planted into the Non-Smoking group of people.
And never look back again.
When I am quiet in the morning
I imagine the love of God
He is the Father
He wears a long heavy cloak
He draws me to Him
~ gently ~
~ slowly ~
~ tenderly ~
~ sweetly ~
He enfolds me into His heavy cloak
I lay myself against His chest
I am ~me~ I am accepted
I am ~me~ I am encouraged
I am ~me~ I am warm
I am ~me~ I am safe
This is my Father’s love for me
I can stay here for hours.
Talking with Him.
I never want to leave this place.
God written / channeled through Anonymousonetoo
I’ve been exercising on the elliptical for a month now. Twice a day for a total of an hour a day – and I can’t get enough of it.
(to read about how this started see this post: HERE)
I was thinking about ways one tries to numb one’s emotions and how one ‘pays the bill’ for the different ways to numb.
Suddenly I find I can meditate! I’m doing it for an hour a day with almost no trouble at all. AA’s Step 11 (Sought through Prayer and Meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him) was absolutely impossible for me. It used to be, even at 34 years sober, that I couldn’t sit quietly for even a couple of minutes. The goolie and goblins would get me. Those goolies called:
You’re nothing but a piece of shit! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! No body wants you let alone loves you! Why don’t you just go away and die! (etc, etc, etc.)
Something very interesting happened tonight that I thought you would like to hear about. I’m taking training to be on the Crisis Call Center hotline. This evening we did role playing with the trainers for the first time in the training. Well I did a pretty piss-poor job of it and the feed-back I got from the others showed that too. This would have been a perfect ‘set up’ for me to rail against myself you think, wouldn’t it? This would have been the perfect situation for the ‘ugly voices’ to have come at me – enforce.
(this may seem hard to do at first but we caught on and I’m as impatient as a 30 second french fry in a fry cooker and my husband is as dense as a raw potato)
CAUTION: This is really, really, really important!! You must read through this entire article… first… maybe several times, in ordered to be fully mentally and emotionally prepared to do this exercise.
The thing is… Fights in a relationship create Fire… and fire has massive power behind it to destroy. You must realize that this is what you are dealing with when you fight. FIRE!! And like with any fire, when you’re handling it, utmost caution must be taken to keep it contained and under control so that it doesn’t incinerate you or your relationship.
* * *
(an e-mail I sent to my pastor in response to the sermon he gave today. Regarding something he talked about that made me think on the word – compassion.)
* * *
I want to say more about the word “love”. I just don’t care much for that word. It’s been bandied about too much. Like an old wad of crumpled duct tape. It’s kind of useless anymore.
I love potato chips (?)
I mean. Come on!
But – compassion….
As I continue to trudge my ‘no-addictions’ journey, I came to this…
On Saturday I was roped into going to a party. My ‘friend’ roped me in by asking me if I could help her out with plates, utensils, etc. She was so insistent that I eventually caved. So I went.
I hate parties and here’s the reason why. They cement the knowledge I carry inside, that no body likes me. No body. One more time, I wound up sitting all by myself. Everyone was grouped up and I was sitting alone.
I continue on in my quest as an addict into the world of no addictions.
It’s been officially a year now since I put the sugar down; six months since the cigarettes. I’m digging deep into my psyche. It started out with curiosity. I’ve been desperate to know… “Through practicing all these addictions, what the heck have I been running away from so hard?” Now it’s come to take on a life of it’s own. Here’s where I now.
Let Us make man-kind in Our Image.
There’s a drug that my psychiatrist prescribed for me a few weeks ago called Prazosin. It’s for PTSD. He said it was a pretty old drug – from the 70’s – and was used to treat high blood pressure. However, one of the other things it does is calm the adrenal glands so that they don’t pump out adrenalin so furiously the way they do in PTSD victims who are in constant ‘fight or flight’ mode. Anyway, since I’ve been on this drug I’ve begun to get clear-headed in a way that I’ve never been aware of before.
Here’s what I’m awakening to.
Love is an archetype here on earth of what is happening in the heaven-lies.
Many people try to define the term Love, yet no matter how they try to define it, it somehow seems to be indefinable. I believe this is because Love is not a thing to be grasped. This is not a ‘something’ but in reality only occurs in the absence of something else. Continue reading
My friend said good bye to me. We had been meeting every week; Tuesdays from three to five. Every week for three years. We studied Christian books together. “The Names of God”; “Lord Heal My Hurts”; “The Way of Agape”
Last week she told me she didn’t want to meet with me anymore. It was yesterday that we met for the last time. Now she’s gone.
My head knows why she did it. She had to. Her daughter had foisted three of her grand children on her to babysit everyday. She was homeschooling the twelve year old. The six year old had downs syndrome and ADHA, and the baby of eight months was a screamaholic. She’s sixty two and has battled cancer in her past. Last week the daughter moved to Southern California and out of her life. My relief and worry for her was finally over. So my head understands that she desperately needed a break. She said that first she was going to sleep for a month, then see the Grand Canyon, and then work on her book. It was completely understandable why she did it.
But not all of me is cooperating with the head.
I’m an addict, using every sort of earthly means I could lay my hands on to dissociate from pain. “Any port in a storm”, so they say. Alcohol was my drug of choice; then junk food, cigarettes, caffeine, crochet, TV, spending, wandering aimlessly around the house in an overwhelming fog.
But, one-by-one I’ve been barreling through each addiction with the single-mindedness of a cougar going after it’s prey. Since last August I have become determined to be addiction free. I want to run to the arms of the only One I can truly depend upon. The One who comes with no ill after-effects… God.
But now I am braving the first storm. And it’s a doozy. A hurricane, and I have no where to hide. No addiction to protect me from the raging fury passing directly overhead.
I lay on my bed, on my side, alone in the darkened room. Frozen still while this furious storm rages all around me. Monstrous claps of thunder pulse through my body.
In a thunder clap I am flung into a room. A voice screams at me…
Get in your room!!!
A lightening bolt of PTSD flash-back strikes and I am electrified. Then another, and another. They pierce me with direct hits. Then, in the light of a strike suddenly I become aware that I have been transported… to 1960.
In the instant flash of light I see something… no… someone. A small girl… huddled in the corner of her room. Her knees pressed tightly against her chest. Her arms wrapped around her knees. She’s in shock but… strangely… I can hear her thoughts.
What did I do?! Why is he so angry? I must be horrible for him to look at me with so much rage! I’m pure evil. I must be hideous for him to look at me with so much fire in his eyes.
She stares at nothing, almost not believing she came out alive through another savage assault.
Confused… baffled… bewildered… frozen. I see her in the lightening flashes. Petrified by what just happened, she does not move. And I can not move either. I am braving this storm. With each flash I get a glimpse. My eyes are fixated on her form and on her frozen face. I dare not budge. I do not want to miss a single second of this meeting. This memory.
A single tear runs over the bridge of my nose, then down my cheek to the pillow below. As I take her in my arms, this one tear is a miracle.
Together now, we survived the storm. We have both made it through alive.
I loved this article. Here is a synopsis of it.
Jesus wants us to be without pretense when we come to him in prayer. Instead, we often try to be something we aren’t. We begin by concentrating on God, but almost immediately our minds wander off in a dozen different directions. The problems of the day push out our well-intentioned resolve to be spiritual. We give ourselves a spiritual kick in the pants and try again, but life crowds out prayer. We know that prayer isn’t supposed to be like this, so we give up in despair. We might as well get something done.
Words are portals between visible and invisible worlds. The words of the Bible act as portals connecting the spirit mind of the Lord God… through this visible world… to my own spirit mind. That’s why every jot and tittle of each word is so important. Continue reading
I was talking to an AA new-comer the other day and, as I was talking to her, this came to the forefront of my mind.
I have a ‘funny spot’ in my brain.
In my brain there is a ‘funny spot’ that only certain chemicals and stuff will hit, and alcohol is just one of these. When I drank it, it did something to a spot in my brain that made all my troubles magically go away. When I drank it, somehow I felt lifted up out of the muck of my life.
You know what’s so funny though?
I had an illumination at church service today that I thought I’d share.
The pastor was talking about Psalms 139 prayer and relating it to the 4th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been hiding from the world. But T.E.Hanna had a good talking to me and I’m back on track again… I hope.
What do I mean by that? Well, I’ve quit the junk food habit for six months now. Recently I also quit smoking (over two months). I’ve quit compulsively crocheting and I’ve quit compulsive computing as well. And that’s just to name a few of the things I’ve quit.
This post might seem very odd to some people, in fact to a lot of people I suspect. I’m pretty sure that most of you have no trouble in this regard. In fact it probably will seem obvious to many of you. But for me it was a revelation.
First of all, I have to tell you that I am in the middle of working toward having no addictions… no addictions what-so-ever. So, in the process of working toward this end, I had a wonderful ah-hah moment as I walked my puppies today.
I know there are many definitions of a miracle,
but I think this is truly one of them.
One of the definitions of a miracle is….a paradigm shift.
A Paradigm Shift is one of God’s miracles.
Because sometimes it takes God to produce that in us.
To find out what a Paradigm Shift is, Click HERE
I’m still abstaining from flour/sugar products. On the 15th it will be three months.
I was on the phone with my Overeater’s Anonymous (OA) sponsor last night and what came out was the word depression. She asked why the depression and I could only say; “I don’t know why.” So she suggested I write about it… which is why I’m writing about it.
I’ve been reading a book on Theophostic Prayer Ministry. Very interesting. Has anyone else heard about this type of therapy? As I was reading it, I noticed that it resonated with my own story. I have experienced more than several spontaneous (prayer induced) healings in my life that resulted in permanent heart-changing views about… who I was… what life was about… what I could overcome… and many other things.
A Blog for the Critical Consumer of Psychotherapy
Love is the answer - now what's your question?
Jean M. Cogdell, Author-Writing something worth reading, one word at a time in easy to swallow bite size portions.
Funny story and essay about Bangkok, Thailand and around Asia.
be the magic
it always knows
fresh hell trumps stale heaven
I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.
“Stories make us more alive, more human, more courageous, more loving.”― Madeleine L'Engle
Hope isn't an emotion, but a daily choice. Choose hope.
It's about the journey not the destination
my healing journey
Typing what comes to my head...
A personal perspective
Learning to live my life with anxiety, depression, and self-harm (and other things).
Growing towards God as an Introvert
A collection of iphone photos, random thoughts and words that inspire me
Backpacking and Bipolar II. Taking Manic Depression on tour.
Jesus follower, peacemaker, unfinished human
Healing from Childhood Trauma
Searching for a God who's playing hard to get.
if I were to blog my life, it'd go like this...
"...that where I am you may be also." Jn.14:3
In Your light we see light...