I’m so sad. I’m crying my guts out right now.
I wasted my life. I’m 65 and I didn’t do anything with it. I had so much potential and it’s all gone down into the gutter. I got off the alcohol when I was 25 but I was doing white flour and sugar instead. I’m so alcoholic that those substances got me high. So, in doing them I avoided doing work to get the mean, nasty voices from my childhood out of my head. Voices that told me what a piece of shit I was – and stupid. I didn’t get off the flour/sugar until I was 30 years sober and then God removed those voices for me. But it’s a day late and a dollar short for me. I could have done great things with my life, but instead I’ve spent it all recovering from what happened to me as a child. This is all I’ve done with it. Nothing else. I feel so sad about this. So So So sad!!! I can’t tell you how sad I feel at seeing my life slip through my fingers and go nowhere.
I had the mind to become a statistician, and the personality to fit. I loved statistics when I took a class in it in college. 43 people started in the class, 14 finished and I got an A. I actually taught it to myself. I swear, the teacher had dementia so I learned it from the book. But I didn’t pick up the ball. I let it drop into the waste basket. Twice. Once when I took the class and once when I was in Voc Rehab where I got a degree in medical coding, which didn’t interest me and which I did nothing with. Now I cry for what never was. I cry my guts out.
I’ve talk to J about it but he poo-poos me for having these feelings of regret. He doesn’t get it. He had a career so he has no empathy for me. No one does.
I wasted my life and there’s nothing I can do about it now. Some have told me to go back to college and get a degree in it. But what would I do with the degree now? It would all be a waste of time with the short years I have left on this planet.
Has anyone else out there think they’ve wasted their life? I sure would like to know I’m not alone.