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(go here to see how this all began)

J laid into me for touching the air button without asking him first. I didn’t respond to the issue ‘perfectly’ so he gave me a ration. I tried telling him he was having a temper tantrum like a little boy and should grow up but it fell on deaf ears. So I resorted to telling him that when I don’t do things perfectly he goes off on me. What do I do to get him to stop expecting me to be perfect? Maybe just shut up until he’s done? I don’t have a clue but it’s really hard to be laid into when I’m not perfect. I resist. It’s a PTSD trigger. Dad expected me to be perfect too or he beat the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this sort of thing.

 

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So I just finished having a ‘conversation’ (not yelling for once) about what happened today with the dash button. He sees me doing these things as a reflection of his competence! He got mad because he thought I didn’t think he was competent enough to handle the button that kept the air circulating inside the cab.

I had never thought of it this way before. This competency thing. He came back at me for trying to get him to drive in another lane. I was only thinking I was trying to be helpful. If someone else suggested driving advice I would listen to it as possibly being helpful to me. But he sees it as my thinking he’s not competent. Are all men like this? Maybe I have to try a different tact. Saying something like; “This has nothing to do with my thinking you’re not competent. I’m only trying to be helpful. There’s no reflection on your competency.”

I can only hope  I remember this down the road when it’s needed.

(go here to see the ‘meta message’)