(the first post in this series is here: On Being a Social Outcast )
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This is to be done ~ A-La ~Theophostic~ Style:
You have to have an unconditionally-loving-adult-self to do this. If you aren’t sure you know what being unconditionally Loved feels like, then you most likely have never experienced it.
But that’s ok though.
I never had it, but I was able to get it.
So, so can you!!
The only way I know of to get this experience is to completely surrender all of myself (adult and child) to the Loving arms of Christ. If I could have gotten this completely unconditional love from a different Higher Power,I know I would have. The Jesus God really troubled me, but after trying many other Gods, I had to go to Jesus to get the experience of being unconditionally Loved and to know what it felt like.
I stopped ‘running’ from myself through any addictions or obsessions (there are countless numbers of them that I had to root out). My feelings and memories needed to be right on the surface of my consciousness.
I needed to bring my ~child-self~ to the surface so that she could be unconditionally Loved by my ~unconditionally-loving-adult-self~ which I developed through Loving interchange with this Jesus God.
I got a ~cuddle-bear~. (a big enough stuffed animal to go from waist to neck when I was curled up on my side in bed)
I went to bed in a dark quiet room; put a very soft cuddly blanket or afghan over me; and a pillow supporting my head. I got as comfortable as I possibly could, tightly hugging my cuddle-bear. I put on soft, wordless music for a sense of safety and so brought my child-self to the surface. I use ~theta waves with a bin-aural beat~ music that I got on-line. (be careful though that you don’t go to sleep)
I then began to concentrate on the part of me that I was when I was a young child, then visualized myself as that child, as I was way back then, trying the best I could to ~be~ that child. I really got ~into it~, visualizing myself when I was 4 or 5.
While doing my best to mostly keep my child-self on the surface of my consciousness, I began a silent conversation with myself – only in my mind; my current ~spiritually-connected-unconditionally-loving-adult-self~ with my ~past-child-self~. It almost felt like if I looked in a mirror I would see a child. I got that deeply into it.
The conversation was mostly one-sided, by having my adult-self ask my child-self questions about how she is feeling about what has happened; is happening; or is going to happen to her… past… present… or future. I went wherever my child-self wanted to go. I let her completely dominate the conversation, going to wherever feelings she was having, and whatever experiences she wanted to tell me about.
I kept asking questions while only feeding back what she told me; and mirroring her feelings back to her. I did not ever try to rationalize or attempt to talk her out of her negative feelings of shame and/or fears. I just listened; fed back and responded with same-like feelings and empathized.
I kept the conversation going until she was talked out about both current and past experiences, and all her feelings that accompanied those experiences. I stayed with her no matter what rabbit-trails she took or how ~unfinished (?)~ each subject seemed to be. I talked with her until there is nothing else she wanted or needed to say.
When she finally understood and full trusted that she was being ~listened to~ ~understood~ ~and her views and feelings were being respected~ she naturally calm down as she finally felt like she was no longer alone in her journey – feeling like she no longer had to take care of herself. I felt a deep sense of inner calm and relaxation, and when the conversation was over, promptly went into a peaceful sleep.
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The next post in this series is here:
I Can’t Believe What I Did!!… I Can’t Believe What I Did!!