I was sober six years when this happened to me.
Around my sixth anniversary sober, I found myself in such excruciating emotional stress that I could bear it no longer. I had not taken a drink of alcohol for six years yet still had the taste for it. As a result, I had what I now call a ‘Showdown at the OK Corral’ with God. I told Him, in no uncertain terms, that if He didn’t do something about this obsession for booze, then I was going to go back out again. So He had better do something… and quick. Boy! Was I mad!!
I gave Him two weeks.
I gave Him two weeks to remove the obsession, or I was gone from this whole sobriety business. Only three days later this is what happened.
It was after the close of an AA meeting and I was standing next to my friend of forty years sober. He was talking to a new-comer at the time. He quoted the Big Book (of Alcoholics Anonymous)….
Burn into the mind of every new man the…
utter hopelessness of ever taking another
drink successfully again… if you’re alcoholic.
For some reason (I’m pretty sure it was God’s doing) this really, really, really hit me… hard! I knew by that time that I was definitely alcoholic, but I had never read this in the Big Book before. I went out to my car reeling from the words that he spoke to that new-comer. It was eight o-clock at night and had gotten pitch dark as I got into my car.
Then… IT HAPPENED!
As I sat there in my car, reeling from his words, a vision was flashed before me, displayed in wrenching living color, across my windshield.
This is what I saw…
The United States of America, from East coast to West; top to bottom, displayed across my entire windshield. The country was fully decimated by nuclear war. For as far as I could see there were shattered buildings on fire. Dead human bodies littered the landscape. Rats were eating the bodies. The stench of them was so strong I wanted to vomit. Not one single spot in the whole country was left untouched. There were no where to get away from it.
I watched this scene in abject horror. The enormity of the destruction made my skin crawl. My entire country had been thoroughly annihilated and there was no place to go to get away.
Then I heard ‘The Voice’ …
Here is your life on alcohol.
Do you still want that?!
AA says that we must know.. to our inner-most selves… that we are alcoholic and that this is the first step in recovery. I did not know it then, but I had never… to my inner-most self… been able to make that admission. Part of me, the adult part, knew that booze was bad news for this girl. However, the deeper part…my little girl part… was not so convinced. But God got through to me in a way only He could. In His super-natural power and ability, He got through to my little girl… to my innermost self. The obsession for booze instantly left me, and it has been gone from me… fully and completely…ever since. God showed us, me and my little girl part, our future on alcohol so that we both finally believed it. And neither one of us ever, ever wanted to go through an experience like that.
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~~ Give all Feloreaw to Him, Our Wonderful, Loving Father ~~