So I went to therapy yesterday. I love my current therapist, Elizabeth. I love, love, love her. She’s so busy that I have to make appointments up to two months in advance to keep my same time slot. Where I go, you can’t claim a regular slot for yourself, you have to take what you can get. I was lucky. Someone had cancelled so I got to meet with her yesterday.
She is a lovely, very soft-spoken, tiny woman who seems to spread love around to whoever is lucky enough to be in her presence. I think she is a very special person. A very uniquely soft individual in this hard-hearted world. To me, this earth place is a very hard-hearted clump of dirt we live on. I know that may sound pretty negative but, for now, that’s the way I see it. And it’s a rare experience to come in contact with real Love from the human race here. For me, this woman epitomizes Love. And I love her back for it.
So that’s where I am with Elizabeth.
I can be myself with her.
Anyway… so I saw her yesterday and cried practically the whole session. It seems that, since I got off the junk foods (95 days ago), I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately. But in her office I bawled. She says…
You seem to be having a lot of water
over what we are talking about today.
She asks me to give voice to the tears. She asks me…
What is all this water trying to say?
She’s like that. I had to think about it for a minute, because I’ve never actually said what the tears were for, in this way before. There’s just something about the way she says things… like she talks about ‘the water’.
So what was all the water trying to say? They were from my Little R. who Elizabeth says is where all our feelings come from… Little R. She was feeling like someone in this hard-hearted world actually cared about her… about Little R. No one cared about (or cares about) Little R. before. But I just know that Elizabeth does.
So the tears were about many things. Little R. was trying to say how hurt she was… how sad she was… how angry she was. She’s always been very quiet and sullen toward me and toward the world, but with Elizabeth she had lots and lots to say. It was astounding. Hearing Little R. speak out of my own mouth. And Elizabeth helped me get in touch with that. I’ve never before felt Little R. come out to surface level like she did yesterday.
Regarding the eating. I want to emotionally eat to run from depression…. Little R’s. feelings of hurt, sadness and anger. But when I allow myself to let the depression (the hurt, sadness and anger) rise to consciousness. When I allow it to just ‘be’ and don’t try to run from it… or keep it buried… then I don’t seem to want to emotionally eat as much. Hummm, maybe I am getting the hang of this abstinence business after all.
Many other things were talked about in our session too, but I’ve gone on long enough in this post for now.
~~ Give all feloreaw to Him: Our Great and Loving Father ~~