My father was a powerful, powerful, undiagnosed, mentally unbalanced man. In fact, even to this day, I have never met a more powerful human being on this planet.
When I was a little kid he used to twirl me around by my arm like a helicopter and beat me while screaming stuff at me. I don’t remember what the stuff was he screamed at me because I was terrified I would be killed =accidentally= by getting my neck broken.
I don’t remember when he stopped whirling me around like that, but I remember being beaten and beaten until I was sixteen years old. I was beaten until there was nothing left of me. One day, as he was choking me on my bed, I tried to knee him in the balls. It was then that he stopped beating me. I guess he was a bully who beat up on people littler than him… who couldn’t fight back. So when I finally fought back… he stopped. I guess I should have fought back long before that, but I didn’t know he would not kill me if I did.
At that time I had no God.
Later on in my life I found I had to get sober or die. I went to AA where I was told I needed to get a ‘Power Greater Than Myself’. But what ‘power’ was that to be? I couldn’t come up with one because I had no god growing up. The only power I could think of was… you guessed it… my father who himself, in my eyes, was, rage-full, narcissistic, mentally ill, and god-like.
But The Real God whom I didn’t know about, knew about me I guess. Because, even though I didn’t believe in Him, He pursued me anyway. I was just trying to stay sober and feel my way around in pitch blackness, looking for a god I didn’t understand.
Then one day… He found me.
It didn’t matter what I thought He was. He was determined to introduce His Real Self to me…. a lover of my soul to the highest degree.
Here is my story of how God met me just where I was… “How I Was Saved”