My Response to all this
Well, this was as far away from what I’d been taught in my childhood… and still adhered to… as East is from West. Jesus’ life, the healing miracles and such were all fables to be used for god-only-knows-what purpose. And especially, this resurrection from the dead business – well that was complete hogwash. Yet how did this little paperback book come to be here where I could so easily find it? And how did it open directly to a page that so thoroughly addressed my most pressing need?
I felt a stirring in the inner-parts of my quaking body.
There’s got to be something going on here
I said to myself; delicate belief encased in strong suspicion. I was beginning to believe, just a tiny bit, that maybe my earthly father might be a little off about this Jesus person. The bottom line however, the thing driving me to open my mind to this new idea about Jesus was simply –
I was in complete agony and had nothing to loose!
But my old ideas about Jesus were strong.
the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe – help my unbelief!”
Then a unique idea came to my mind. When I was a child, I’d play this game…
Pretend I’m an alien from out space,
discovering earth for the very first time.
Could I possibly do this with God and Christ?
I decided to give it a good and honest try.
Why don’t I try to throw away all my old ideas about Christ, for just a couple of minutes. I’ll pretend that the Bible is totally true. I’ll give God a couple of minutes of sincere belief in Him. See if He’ll show up, and prove Himself to me.
You will seek Me and find Me when you search
for Me with all your heart.
I was crying… shaking… but with all my might I moved into the game of ‘Let’s Pretend‘. I put aside every stitch of disbelief; forced out every suspicion and every doubt. But I knew I could hold onto this view for only a couple of minutes before ‘reality’ as I knew it would come crashing down on me again. The reality that Jesus was a fool, would come back.
The book suggested that…
If you confess with your mouth,
that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart,
with no reservations whatsoever
that God raised Him from the dead,
you will be saved”
I got down on my knees and, in the middle of ‘Let’s Pretend’,
I thought to myself:
If Jesus was resurrected that means he is alive today…
and if he is alive today…
then that means I can talk to him.
This seemed to make sense so I began talking to the ‘living’ Jesus. What I said didn’t exactly follow the framework set out by the book, but it was the truth for me in my current, pathetic position.
On my knees, alone in my bedroom, I said out loud…
Jesus, I believe you are alive today and that you can hear me talking to you.
I began to cry.
Jesus… I believe you Jesus. I believe everything about you; all the miracles you did and that you died and came back to life again after 3 days. I believe you are alive today. Please, come into my life. I need you. I’m all messed up and I’m so very alone. I need a friend. I really need a friend.
I cried out, weeping in utter wretchedness.
* * * * *
Later I have thought about this moment.
There was no “sinner’s prayer” here. Many times when praying, we try to do so in a spiritual way that really is not honest before God but what we think He wants to hear, instead of our hearts cry. But it’s important to be honest with God. He looks deep into our hearts, He does not want to hear any kind of “word-formulas” we think we should be using before Him. He wants to hear our deep, inner, heart-truths. I believe that, to fully fling your door open for Jesus to be allowed to enter into your life, you have to be completely honest… and to trust Him with your whole heart. And you only have to open your door for a half a minute… or even less, and Jesus will bound in… and prove Himself to you. That He really, really, really is the Son of God. So give it a try. You can do it!!!
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord
will be saved.
Then the magic began.
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